This is a lot harder than it looks

When we decided to move up here, I had all intentions of finding a job and staying a working mother.   After applying for jobs and looking into nannies, I found out I wasn’t going to be making much more than I would pay my nanny.  I would be going to work just to pay someone to watch my child.  I loved teaching.  Still do. But something about not making much profit off my my job just didn’t seem right.  

I have always dreamed of being a stay at home mom.  Taking the kids to play dates and the park all day, having dinner ready for my husband when he comes home, the house is immaculately clean, and the kids are clean and ready for bed.  My dreams are far from reality. 

Reality is, I struggle each day to clean the never ending pile of dishes that are in the sink (a dishwasher is a luxury in the city and we aren’t that luxurious quite yet.)  I am lucky to get Harlan and I both ready and out of the door for classes or play dates on time.  And keeping the house clean?  I’ve learned that is virtually impossible with a toddler.  Dinner is hardly ever ready by the time MacKay gets home because I am continually trying to get Harlan to eat her dinner.  

But you want to know the greatest part about all of this?  I wouldn’t trade this job for anything in the world.  I have a compassionate husband who understands that I am not the “perfect” wife.  I love spending time with Harlan.  And if that means that dishes will pile up for a while, then so be it.  

This morning I had all intentions of cleaning the house and dusting, but instead Harlan and I spent the morning play drums in a cardboard box.  To many this seems so dull and boring, but seeing the joy on Harlan’s face as we were playing together is priceless to me.  

To all of you stay at home moms out there.  Give yourself a pat on the back.  You deserve it.  This job may not look all that hard from an outsiders perspective, but it has been one of the toughest jobs I’ve ever had.