When I was growing up my parents wouldn’t let me ride in the car with anyone that was sixteen or seventeen years old. She figured it was too risky and didn’t want to have to worry about me all the time. So instead of me having a ride from my friends everywhere I went, my mom or my dad had to drive me there. It was the most embarrassing thing that I ever had to endure as a teenager.
Last weekend was the first weekend that I have ever left Harlan for more than a couple of hours. MacKay and I had a wedding to go to over the weekend in another part of Florida and logistics just didn’t make sense bringing her with us. We were lucky enough to have family not too far away and my mom offered to drive up to watch her as well. So we decided to leave her with them.
After writing a ton of notes about her schedule and leaving too much food and diapers, we headed over to the wedding. I tried not to make a big deal about leaving her and even managed not to cry. I had an amazing calmness about everything and in turn had an even better weekend.
As I look back on this I’ve learned that my parents didn’t want me to ride in a car with anyone because they wanted to hold on to me every little bit of me that they could. They still wanted me to be their little girl. It has taken me so long to leave Harlan because I fear losing every piece of her. Every part of me doesn’t want to miss any second or milestone of her life.
This trip away from her with MacKay and visiting friends was a weekend that I now realize I needed. I couldn’t wait to see Harlan on Sunday, but I also enjoyed my time by myself more than I ever thought I would. I felt so incredibly free the entire weekend, it was such a thrill.
When we returned home to Harlan and back to “reality” our lives came back together once again. Harlan strengthened her relationship with her grandmother and my extended family and became a little bit more independent. I also gained some independence this weekend. I found a part of myself that I had been missing for a while. It doesn’t hurt to let go a little bit because you gain so much more.
When was the first time you left your little one?
24 comments
Truthful Mommy
Twitter: TruthfulMommy
I understand this situation more than you can imagine.My girls are 6 and 3 and I JUST left them overnight for the first time EVER last September, for the exact same reason as you. It was for my birthday, we had a big night planned in Chicago with my sisters and my best friend.I was planning it for months.My in laws came to our house to stay with the girls. We drove to a hotel about an hour away from home in the city.IT was only an hour away but it may as well have been a million miles. I almost cried leaving because Gabs was so upset that I was leaving her.I called that night and they barely had time to talk to me they were having so much fun with their grandparents. I had a fabulous time with no one attached to my hip and being able to be alone with the Big Guy and eat a meal in peace but I was glad to be back with little arms wrapped around my neck.
Lauren
I probably put more thought and anxiety into it than I really needed to, but it is my daughter after all. It is the whole “not being able to control” thing. I was so happy to have my time alone, but SO excited to see her when I got back!
Pam at Triple Threat Mommy
Twitter: triplethreatmom
I was right there with you! We were very strict with our girls sleep and nap schedule, so when our older one was three, I finally let her sleep at my moms house. No one got any sleep, but through the years, everyone has learned how to be flexible and have started “letting go” as you say. And, you get to spend time with your hubby and be a couple again. It becomes a win-win situation for everyone!
Lauren
It was a win-win. My mom and Aunts LOVED spending tim with her and kept gushing to me over it. I know they cherished the time they had with her, just as I cherished my time with my hubby and friends!
betsy
I left Mia over night with my husband probably at 3 months old. We left her over night a lot more than we have ever done with Dylan! He has only been left over night a few times and he was with daddy. He has yet to spend the night at grandma’s. I think I am holding on since he is the youngest.
Lauren
I would completely be okay with my hubby taking her overnight. He knows her best next to me! It wil definitely be easier next time.
Emily
Twitter: naptimeismytime
The Texan and I left The Boy over night when he was 14 months old. It was my birthday and The Texan wanted to treat me to a hot meal. The Boy stayed at my mother’s house – which is 3.10 miles away. He had a blast. Me? I enjoyed that hot meal, but was at my mother’s house at 6:30 am….waiting for The Boy to wake up!
Best,
Emily
Lauren
I woke up early too! I wanted to sleep in but just couldn’t because I was so excited to see her!
Shell
I had the hardest time leaving my first for even an hour when he was first born! It’s hard to let go.
Lauren
I did too! I would call all the time to make sure she was ok. I still do that when I leave her. And probably will continue as she grows up! 😉
Mikki
Oh I remember the first time. My husband and I had our first daughter RIGHT away after getting married and so my mom kept telling us we needed some ‘couple’ time. We went away for the weekend when she was 4 months old. Just like you.. I realized I was still me… and being away wasn’t so bad.. it was good for me.. and for her..
So glad you got to enjoy your time and find yourself again..
Lauren
Thank you! It’s a lot easier once you realize how much of an amazing time you can have without a worry in the world!
Jennifer G.
Twitter: take2mommy
Usually, leaving your child with a trusted relative ends up being a win-win-win. I’m sure your daughter and her grandmother had a wonderful time. Sounds like you did as well. I think all moms need to do this often. And isn’t it so great when you see your child again after being away from her? Were you not SO excited to see her again?!
Lauren
I was SO excited to see her! It will be much easier to do it next time. I even told my husband we need to do it more often so that we can have our time for each other more!
christy
Oh wow – this is such perfect timing for me to read this! I’m so impressed with you. My first trip away from my daughter (2.5 years) and son (1 year) is scheduled for next month and I’m sort of a basket case. I’m going to do my best to channel your inner calm! (Marinka sent me and so glad she did – I love your blog!)
Lauren
Thank you! LOVE Marinka, she is probably one of the funniest people I know! You will be fine. Know that they are in good hands and you are going to have a great time by yourself!
Patty
Twitter: nycpatty
Definitely a milestone moment for you and Harlan. You know it’s definitely a good thing that you left her with your mom and family. It’s all a part of growing up 🙂 Plus taking time for you is necessary so you can be there for her!
Lauren
Yes. I wouldn’t have left her for the first time with anyone else! They did an amazing job with her and loved the time they spent with her. It was necessary for me and I loved it so much more because of that!
Denise
The hardest time I ever had was leaving my little one after having to return to work from maternity leave. Boy was that hard!
Lauren
I remember that for me as well. I cried when I left her at daycare. The worst part was that my husband was working in New York City (I was still in Tampa) so I had no one to calm me down or drop her off for me so that I didn’t have to. I probably called the daycare 20 times that day to make sure she was ok!
Katy @ Dim Sum Debutante
I also left Adeline overnight for the first time to go to a wedding. She was fifteen months old. I anticipated and dreaded it, but it ended up being a big turning point for her AND for me (and for my mom who took care of her.) We all learned that the separation was survivable and rejuvenating. As a SAHM it’s a rare but lovely feeling to miss your child!
Congrats on pushing the envelope and I’m glad you had a great time!
Lauren
Thanks Katy! I think all mothers experience the same feelings when leaving their child for the first time. That is why it is so great that we can lean on each other for support!
Glamamom
Twitter: glamamom
Glad everything worked out and your mom had a nice time with H. Did she get any new toys? WINK!
We’ve only left Bub one night. Same issues. Plus, he’s an animal and I feel bad inflicting that on any one!
Alicia @MommyDelicious
Twitter: MommyDelicious
That was me when I left Aiden for a weekend to head to the Dominican Republic with my girlfriends. Although I was calm when leaving him, once we arrived, I was nervous about how he was doing. I too, didn’t want to let go. But upon my return, I realized that I needed the time with my friends as well. I want to be a well-balanced mom. I want to be able to go out with friends, and take care of my son. It’s a work in progress. But I’m trying.