One Man Show

MacKay left last night to spend the week in Paris for work. I can’t help but let it bring back the emotions when he would leave Harlan and I to fly back to New York when we were still living in Tampa. The dreaded drive back to the airport discussing how quickly the weekend went by and beginning our countdown to the next time we would see one another.

It was a sacrifice that we were both willing to make at the time. I really wanted to finish out the school year teaching and his job in New York City was just too good to pass up. So long drives to the airport and short weekend trips is how we spent our time together.

The weekdays alone were tough, especially when I was still on maternity leave. As much as I wanted to get out and do things with others, having a newborn for the first time instilled fears in me I had never experienced. Once I went back to work, things began to get easier as I could actually hold conversations with people during the day. But every night before I went to bed I would secretly count down the days until we could be a family again.

And now all of that rushes back to me. It’s Sunday evening, he’s left for the airport and I am sitting on the couch watching television shows that I can only get away with watching when he isn’t around. {Anyone else’s husband LOATHE Real Housewives?}

I know this week is going to be tough. Spending 24 hours a day with a toddler {who at the moment loves to throw temper tantrums} is draining. Although I have a lot planned for the week and Harlan is now at the age where I can actually have a conversation with her, I’ll still miss having MacKay around.

But the one thing that I know about this week alone, that I learned throughout the nine months of short weekends together and long weeks apart, is that I can do it. I learned so much more about myself during our time apart, than I have ever in my lifetime. No matter how much I miss my husband or how hard taking care of a child alone is, I have proved to myself that I am capable of it.

I probably wouldn’t have felt the same way if we would have chosen a different path for our family and I moved up to NYC right away. To be honest, I’d probably be sitting on the couch crying with a tub of ice cream feeling sorry for myself.

So as I lay my head down tonight to go to bed, I will still secretly count down the days to see my husband, but only because I miss my other half. Not because I’m afraid of the challenges the week brings, I know I’ve got that under control.