I Can’t Live in Fear

I’ve been contemplating whether or not to write about this because I don’t want to take any of the spotlight away from the families that are going through a tremendous amount of pain from suffering the loss of their child.

Writing has become a way that I cope and process things. I have so many thoughts that are going through my head and it is therapeutic for me to write about them. A lot of this might not make sense, but these are thoughts in my head that I need to get out.

My heart aches for those families. I cannot imagine the pain that they are going through. I know how much I am hurting from all of this and I didn’t even know them. I see their faces, hear their stories, and just sit and cry. Cry for what they had to go through. I cry for their families who are experiencing an unimaginable loss. I cry for what our country has come to.

I took Harlan back to school for the first time yesterday like many of you did with your children. I stood outside of her preschool for a while just staring in the window before finally heading home. She is way too young to understand anything that is going on, but I think she notices the sense of sadness that has overcome me in the past couple of days. I haven’t been able to let her out of my sight. She’s slept with me nearly every night since Friday.

All of the things that used to get me upset seem so trivial now. They don’t matter. It makes me so mad that it took something as horrific as this to really understand that those little things don’t matter. It makes me mad that something like this had to happen for me to hold my kids a little bit tighter. It makes me mad that this had to happen and all I want to do is keep my kids by my side at all times.

I’ve suffered from anxiety my entire life. There are many times when it overcomes me and takes control. This was a scenario when I will begin to think the worst and fear nearly everything. But I will not let this horrible man win. I will not live in fear. My children deserve better. In the memory of these innocent lives that were lost, we have got to do better. Something has to change.

This has forever changed my life. These children and teachers will never be forgotten. May they rest in peace. May their families and friends be comforted by God’s arms in this time of trouble and sadness.

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

If you would like to help the families of this horrific tragedy, my dear friend Roo from Nice Girl Notes is keeping an updated list on how you can help these families.