Sometimes I feel like our week is put on auto-pilot. Our routine is very much a well-oiled machine and hardly fluctuates. I find it ironic because a few months ago I begged for more of a predictable routine to our day, but now I find myself longing for a bit of spontaneity.
Harlan has really found her groove in kindergarten. I drop her off each morning and she couldn’t be more excited to get out of the car and spend the day inside with her friends and learning. She comes home every night anxious to do her homework and then to sit down and read a book. Her eagerness to learn is exhilerating.
She’s also chosen to get involved in after school activities. In the fall she did tennis one day a week at her school and this quarter she’s picked soccer and yoga. I love her eagerness to get involved and I’ve quickly learned that her dedication also means a lot of time spent in the car traveling to and from.
Avery has finally stepped out of the shadow of Harlan and is coming into her own. Preschool has really opened up her personality. She’s always talking about her friends at school, what she’s learning, and how she’s looking forward to the next time.
She turns three in just over a month and the independence that goes with the age it starting to shine. Everything is becoming a battle with her because she wants to do it herself. From picking out her clothes for the day to putting toothpaste on her toothbrush, Avery has to do it all.
It’s hard for me to relinquish some of that power to her. Not because I don’t trust that she can do it, but because I lose a little bit of my control each time. What should take five minutes, now takes double that amount because it’s done Avery’s way.
On the days that Avery doesn’t have school, her and Macks get in their bonding time. It’s fun to see their relationship evolve the way that it is. At just under two years apart, they are slowly finding their way of coming together. Most of the time you will find them on the floor together playing with whatever toys Avery brings out.
Two mornings out of the week Macks and I get the morning together. He sleeps for most of it while I get work done, but I try to put my computer away when he is awake so that he can get my undivided attention. I try to remind myself that although he’s becoming more and more independent each day, he still needs me and he needs that one-on-one time with my undivided attention.
Sprinkled within our daily routine is me trying to get work done. I constantly go over in my head how I can possibly get everything done off of my work to-do list, home to-do list, and parenting to-do list. It’s like putting a puzzle together that just won’t work because their are too many pieces. No matter how hard I try, it just can’t all get done. Most of the time my work is defaulted to the end of the day once I’ve put the kids down each night. That’s also the time that all I want to do is watch mindless television and just unwind.
As the days go on, the monotony starts to get to me and I find my patience wearing thin. I feel terrible because even the littlest things that the kids do can cause a reaction that I’m not proud of. It’s then that I realize I need to step back from it all and re-focus.
The journey of motherhood requires you to wear many hats, most that you are unprepared for. As I step through this path trying to find my way, I constantly search for a way to balance it all. Most days, I completely fail, but I’m slowly finding the way that all of these pieces can fit in the puzzle. And they will, even if I have to throw some away. After all, the only three pieces that I really need, I hold close to me everyday.
