On My Own

It’s been a whirlwind over these last three weeks. It’s hard for me to believe that much time has passed because everything has happened so quickly. Having two little girls, two and under, takes a bit of getting used to. I’m trying to spend a lot of time with Harlan, but Avery is so dependent on me right now that it makes it hard.

As much as I want to say that I’ve been doing great on my own for the last three weeks, I’d be completely lying to you. Since Avery’s birth, I’ve been lucky enough to have my mother-in-law here to help out. Because most of my time is spent with the demands of a newborn, my mother-in-law has taken over the reigns with Harlan.

I’ve wanted to keep Harlan’s schedule the same since Avery was born. Other than one missed day of school (because Har was sick,) we haven’t strayed from her daily routine. My MIL has taken her to school three days a week, music class, and would even wake up with her in the morning so that I can sleep in with the baby. Harlan has probably had more fun with her “Jannie” taking her out than she usually does with me because she’s had plenty of playground play dates after school, which is much more than Harlan and I did after school.

Having her here has taken a huge load off of my shoulders. It’s made the time that I spend with Avery that much more special and a chance for us to really bond.

I was so nervous about the newborn stage, but Avery has made is easy for me to adjust. When we brought Harlan home from the hospital, I called MacKay crying several times because I didn’t know if I could take care of her on my own. I don’t know if it was the pure exhaustion (Harlan was not the greatest sleeper) or the “newness” of parenthood, but it was complete hell those first few weeks.

This time around is completely different. I am more relaxed, find that I am getting much more sleep than I expected, and have actually managed to take a shower and blow dry my hair everyday (a momentous accomplishment in my book.)

I don’t think this transition could have gone smoother if I didn’t have MacKay by my side. He’s really stepped up with Harlan and has taken charge when I wasn’t able to. I’ve seen his relationship with Harlan flourish over the last three weeks.

Even with his busy work schedule, he manages to put all of his extra time into our daughters, making sure they know they are loved and cherished.

Tomorrow my mother-in-law leaves to go home, and for the first time I will officially be on my own to mother these two beautiful little girls.

I will admit that I am a little terrified to navigate the streets of NYC on my own. Gone are the days of Harlan and I easily getting on and off the bus or the train. Now the days ahead of us mean walking to school with our double stroller or having Avery snuggled in the moby wrap while Harlan and I walk the street hand in hand.

My mom comes to visit next week, so my time on my own will be short lived, but I am ready to take on the challenge of two little ones in the city.

Life has and will continue to change drastically for our little family of four. As much as I know it will take time to get used to, I’ve never been more excited. Because even with little sleep, crazy schedules, demanding children, and even navigating the concrete jungle all on my own, there is no other job that I’d rather have, the job of a mother.