Testing My Patience

I used to think that I had a short fuse. In high school it was especially bad. If someone would look at me the wrong way, I would have to confront them about it. I wouldn’t take anything from anyone.

Fast forward 7 years later when I became a mother and I can tell you without a doubt that my patience has improved immensely. But lately, it has been tested a lot more than I could have ever imagined.

There is this two year old girl that I love with all of my heart. I’ve watched her grow from this tiny little bean in my belly to a blue eyed blondie that loves her princesses and ballet. She makes me laugh, she makes me cry.

She knows how to push my buttons. She knows how to test my patience.

As of late, that is exactly what this lovely little girl has been doing.

Yesterday I took her to the grocery store on our way home from camp. I told her that I would get her something for lunch once I was finished getting what I needed to and then she could pick hers out. You see, we didn’t go to a grocery store that she was used to, but more of a specialty grocery store. Harlan wasn’t happy with my choice on grocery stores and she made sure that she let everyone know it.

As I am walking around the store, she manages to wiggle her way out of the stroller and lay across the floor kicking and screaming. Immediately all eyes turn to me to see what I was going to do with this child that is throwing a full on tantrum in the middle of a teeny tiny grocery store.

Rather than getting mad a yelling at her, I quietly picked her up off of the ground and tried to get her back in the stroller as quietly as I could. It took about five minutes to accomplish getting her back in there, but I did it. And I did it without yelling or screaming at her.

Little did she know that I was going crazy inside. I was embarrassed beyond belief as a crowd was forming to see how I was going to discipline my child. I was angry that she was blatantly defying me and would not listen to a single thing that I had to say. And I was exhausted that it took me 15 minutes to handle a situation that I wasn’t prepared to handle.

This isn’t the first time that she has thrown a tantrum in public and I am very sure it won’t be the last. My dad informed me a couple of weeks ago when he was in town that this is all coming back to me from how I behaved when I was Harlan’s age.

“It comes full circle,” he said with a smirk on his face.

So to my mom and dad…..

I’m sorry.

Because it’s all coming back to me now.

I’m chronicling my adventures on Babble.com! Check out some of my Babble posts at Baby’s First Year.