Today marks one year since I lost a child that I would never have the chance to meet. Although I wasn’t very far along, (only 6 or 7 weeks) that baby made a huge impact on my life. If this past year, of both heartache and happiness, has taught me anything, it would be to share.
Share your story.
Confide in friends.
Talk about it.
For the longest time I didn’t want to tell anyone because I was ashamed and embarrassed. I thought there was something wrong with me that made me lose the baby. I thought it was something that I did or didn’t do.
The shame kept me quiet. I didn’t want to talk about it because it just brought all of those feelings and emotions to the surface. But what I realized was that by not talking about it, I was doing more harm than good. Keeping everything inside only made me ignore the situation, as if it never happened. But it did happen and I did have to deal with the emotions and pain that comes with it.
It took me some time (and many tears shed) to realize that I needed to talk to someone.
After sharing my story, I found that I am not alone in this and there are (unfortunately) many women who have been in my shoes. Oddly, I was comforted with that. To know that I wasn’t an outcast.
I wasn’t the only one who felt the emotions I did. The sadness and anger that it had to happen. The connection I felt to this little being. The little person that I never even had a chance to see.
I may not have felt the first kicks or even seen an ultrasound, (I didn’t want to at the time) but it was still my child. And with that, I know that all of these emotions (even the ones a year later) are okay.
I’m chronicling my adventures on Babble.com! Check out some of my Babble posts at Baby’s First Year.