Unrealistic Expectations

I opened up the New York Times this morning to find a story written by The Hollywood Reporter’s, Janice Min, “Can a Mom Get a Break?” It was a refreshing article revealing the struggles women have with their body after having a baby. It was an article that  I could have written myself.

In this celebrity obsessed culture, women are bombarded with unrealistic expectations of what post-baby bodies should really look like.

As I walk down the streets on NYC’s Upper East Side I am bombarded with women who are dressed to the nine’s as skinny as can be just months after giving birth. And then here I am with no makeup, wearing baggy clothes to hide the pooch that is still left over from having Avery nearly six months ago. Women watch as you walk by with your stroller checking out to see how old your baby is and then looking at you to see how well you look. I’m completely guilty of it. I check out other women as I walk. Gushing over their perfectly toned legs and six pack stomachs. Wishing only that I could have a body as beautiful as theirs.

These inner struggles and jealousy of others just begs the question; Do we set our expectations too high on what our body should look like after having a baby?

Absolutely.

My post-baby body is no where close to what it used to be. It’s been a tough struggle these past six months as I am trying to come to terms with the way my body looks now compared to what it looked like just a year ago. I still cringe as I look at pictures of the way clothes used to look on me and the way they don’t fit as nicely as they used to.

Is this the right way of thinking? Absolutely not.

Is it reality and the way that a lot of women think after having a baby? Absolutely.

I wrote a post a couple months ago over at Babble, confessing that I hated my post-baby body. I cried as I wrote the piece because it was the first time that I was letting go of these feelings that I had inside. Not once had I revealed this secret that I had been keeping since giving birth to Avery.

I was so scared of the comments that I was going to get from readers. I didn’t want them to think that I was ashamed of Avery or that I didn’t love her. Their conclusions would be completely ridiculous and erroneous.

What I really wanted to get across was that I was struggling with hating this new body that I had to look at in the mirror every single day. I struggled with getting dressed every morning because I hated the way my clothes fit.

Thankfully, in the 32 comments that I received on the post, almost all of them were positive and re-assuring. Most revealed that they too, were struggling with their body after having a baby. They confessed  their frustrations with trying to fit into clothes that they once wore before having a baby.

The truth is, as normal as these feelings are, they shouldn’t be acceptable. We shouldn’t have to feel guilty of having a little bit of pudge on our stomachs months after having a baby. Because that little bit of fat represents something so beautiful and precious. It shows that we spent nine long months creating a life inside of us.

Rather than focusing on how well we’ve “bounced back” after having a baby, can’t we just focus on how well we are adjusting to life with a new person around. Let’s support one another with how to deal with those sleepless nights, rather than secretly staring at the other’s body judging how well they look.

I’m on a journey to love my body again. Not only am I doing this for myself, but I am also doing it for the two little girls that I want to raise to be confident in themselves. If I can’t show them what confidence is, then who will?

I’m chronicling my adventures on Babble.com! Check out some of my Babble posts at Baby’s First Year.