Macks turns two in two weeks. First the first time in the six years that I’ve been on this journey of parenthood, I’ll be celebrating my child’s second birthday without another little one on the way. It sounds strange to admit that. And I’m sure it seems strange to others that I’d even realize that. But I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately as I prepare for this next milestone in Macks’ life.
Last week, as I was sick with the stomach bug, I couldn’t help to think to myself that maybe I was pregnant (I’m not.) Of course I knew in the back of my mind that I wasn’t, but I welcomed the idea. To be honest, now isn’t the right time for us to have another baby (if we are even going to have another baby,) but having the possibility in my head did give me a little bit of happy butterflies.
I never thought I’d be at this place. Not knowing whether I want another baby, yet still finding it hard knowing that I’m not growing our family again, like I’d done at this stage with the girls.
I’m trying to fully embrace this new chapter. The one where the entire family can be involved in our adventures. We’re finally there. Now that Macks is older, there’s been a little bit of a weight lifted off of our shoulders. Things feel just a little bit less chaotic. Things feel right.
Who knows what the future holds for our family. If we are meant to be a family of five or if we are meant to grow. Only time will tell. For now I’ll just hold onto what I have right now. I’ll learn to live in the moment. Celebrate what my life has given me so far. And embrace this new first.
