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Shortly after Harlan was born, I took her to her to one of her regularly scheduled pediatrican well visits. Upon taking her weight, the doctor informed us that she had taken a dip in her chart. She wasn’t gaining weight like they wanted them too.

As a new mom who had very little confidence in what I was doing, I felt horrible. I was determined to do anything to help her gain the weight that she needed. I asked the doctor if there was anything I could do and he immediately told me that the problem was my milk supply and needed to supplement with formula right away.

Let me start out by saying that I don’t have anything against formula. You feed your child the way you need to feed your child. But I had a breastfeeding goal for myself. I wanted to breastfeed Harlan for as long as I possibly could. I didn’t want to be forced into formula feeding her if I didn’t want to.

But the pediatrician insisted. And thinking that he was the expert, I obliged. We started her on a bottle of formula a day and came back once a week to get her weight.

First visit, she didn’t gain enough. Okay, let’s switch it to two bottles of formula.

Second visit, she didn’t gain enough. Okay, let switch it to three bottles of formula.

Before I knew it, I was only able to nurse her in the morning and at night. My supply was depleted and now feeding her formula was not only necessary for her weight, but because I could no longer supply her with enough milk of my own.

When we moved to Manhattan and had to find a new pediatrician I told her Harlan’s history.

“She’s just on her own curve,” our new pediatrician assured me. It was the first time that I’d heard that from anyone.

Soon after Avery was born it was like deja vu. She, too, had weight issues. This time I wasn’t going to be forced into formula feeding if I didn’t want or need to. Avery had GI appointments, several tests run and all came back normal. The GI doctor kept pushing me to start her on formula. We’d go in for weekly weigh-ins and she wouldn’t gain the way he wanted to. I’d done what I could to help fatten and increase my supply. She was gaining very little, but she was still gaining. He still wanted to do tests and insisted that I needed to start her on formula to help her gain. I told him that we did this with my oldest and it made no difference. He still insisted. I stopped going to see him shortly after.

Fast forward to Macks. He was gaining weight like a champ and then we hit a bump in the road. He even lost weight one month. Determined not to go down this road again, I assured my (new) pediatrician that this is in our family history. I have small kids, regardless of what or how much they eat. I told him I would do what I could to help my milk supply and booked the first appointment with the lactation consultant at the office.

Because he gained weight, I had to visit the office everyday to check his weight. I remember going into every appointment with my nerves out of control. I literally felt sick not knowing what his weight was. Not only was traveling back and forth each day straining on me, but Macks as well.

After a month of seeing the lactation consultant, changing my diet, helping increase my supply, feeding Macks in a dark and quiet room with very little distraction, we FINALLY saw a jump in his weight. I cried at the scale, feeling like we had just taken on the world together.

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A couple of months ago I was introduced to the Hatch Baby Smart Changing Pad. The first thought that came to my mind was “gosh, this would have changed my life if I had it with all three kids when they were born.”

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The Smart Changing Pad tracks your baby’s weight, diaper changes, and how much they ate. If you want to check to see how much your baby is eating, just set them on the Smart Changing Pad before and after a feeding and it will keep track and send the information to your smart device in the Hatch Baby app. The feedings are tracked my date and time and even lets you compare the feedings with others. This is the perfect way to show your pediatrician or lactation consultant at a visit.

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When you weigh your baby, it will sync with the app and let you compare their growth percentile to worldwide (WHO) data. So when I relied on my pediatrician to help me track all three of the kids’ weight, this would have done it for me, no problem.

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One thing that a pediatrician always asks during those first few visits with a newborn is diaper changes. I was always trying to keep a running list on the note section of my phone, which I ended up just stopping and estimating during each visit. The Smart Changing Table will do all of the work for you. Just simply press what type of diaper you are changing and it will send all of the information to the app in your phone.

The Hatch Baby App also lets you track how long your baby sleeps as well as sends notifications to your phone to let you know how much they ate if you don’t happen to be home with them at the time.

I cannot tell you how much I truly believe in this product. With Macks still going through some weight issues, I am still able to put him on the Smart Changing Pad and get his weight, which completely wipes away all of the nerves before his well visits. That’s the peace of mind every parent needs.

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(Disclosure: I received the Hatch Baby Smart Changing Pad for review. As always, all opinions are my own. Many of my readers know that I don’t do reviews often and if I do, it’s because I am passionate about a product. This product is a game changer for parents who have gone through many of the same things I went through with all three kids. Thank you for supporting the brands that help support me.)

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Last month Harlan came home from school telling me that her tooth hurt. She mentioned that it had started bleeding in school earlier in the day. She was due for a teeth cleaning anyway, so I called her dentist who got both her and Avery in later that week. They told me they would address the tooth issue when we got there as long as it didn’t bother her too much before then.

Harlan has always been a great patient at the dentist. She sits there, still, and just looks at the ceiling while they look at and clean her teeth. On her visit earlier in the year she was told she had a cavity and it had to be filled. Even with that, she didn’t flinch and was a champ.

I expected the visit to be much like the last, they’d take some x-rays, look at her teeth, clean them, and then the dentist would tell us to be on our way. Expect this visit didn’t play out quite as planned.

As they were taking a look at Harlan’s teeth, the woman cleaning just kept looking over at me, then taking notes. I could tell she was concerned, but didnt’ want to say anything in front of Harlan or Avery so that she didn’t frighten them.

Soon after the cleaning the dentist walked in.

“I’m going to have to send her to a specialist,” he said right away.

Turns out Harlan had eight cavities. Yep, eight. They were all in between her molars on both sides, top and bottom. Because there were so many, we needed to go to a pediatric dentist that specialized in these sorts of things.

As soon as he told me the number of cavities that she had, I felt my body just slump. I was a failure. She’d gone from one cavity to eight in less than a year.

All of the sudden I was self conscious with both of them in the room. Were they questioning who I was as a parent? Did they think I just ignored my kids’ dental hygiene? What did this say for me as their mother?

We left the dentist’s office and I immediately called the pediatric specialist to set up an appointment for Harlan. They quickly informed me that it was going to take at least four visits to get her cavities filled. It was soon after that we were spending one day at week at the dentist for the next month.

On our first visit, the dentist took a look at her x-rays and informed me that her cavity that was filled last year had gotten infected. Her tooth needed to be pulled. A cavity on the other side of her mouth was so bad that she needed a mini root canal. These next four visits weren’t going to be easy. And now, not only was I overwhelmed with guilt, but also grief for Harlan who would have to endure it all.

Over the next few weeks I wasn’t sure whether or not to share Harlan’s dental struggles with anyone else or just quietly take her to each appointment. The guilt was so overwhelming. More so than anything else I’ve ever dealt with before. I was so ashamed.

I decided to speak to a few friends about it. I shared my feelings of failure and defeat. Of course they assured me that this was not a reflection on me at all, some kids just have bad teeth. The dentist said the same. He did tell us to try to floss a little bit more often, but other than that, there really wasn’t anything else I could have done.

But hearing these things didn’t make me feel better. It was internally that I was beating my self up. Of course Harlan went to every appointment without hesitation. From getting the root canal to the tooth pulled, she was a champ through all of it. She walked out of every visit with a smile. A lopsided and droopy numb smile, but a smile nonetheless. And that’s when it hit me. If she can endure all of this pain and dental work and proudly show off her silver crown (yes, I know) and the big gap where her molar used to be, then I can proudly say that I’m not ashamed of my job as her mother.

There are things that happen in life that are beyond our control. Some things that others may look at from the outside and question you. But know that as long as you have confidence in you, that is all that matters.

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Harlan knows I’m a great mother. And so do I.

 

 

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It’s Wednesday! That means it’s time for you to tell me something good. Tell me one moment (big or small) that put a smile on your face. Let’s spread some positivity!

MacKay is out of town for the week for work and while we miss him when he’s gone, I do love the quiet evenings. When MacKay leaves for work trips, I always go in with the mind set that this is valuable time I get with the kids rather than dwelling on the fact that I am doing all of the responsibilities on my own. It’s easy to get down on ourselves and frustrated when doing everything by ourselves, especially when the days seem to drag on forever and nothing goes your way.

Last night, after putting the kids to bed early (because they went to bed too late the night before making them quite cranky all day yesterday,) I enjoyed a quiet house, ordered some sushi, and sat and watched mindless television while catching up on work. As I was getting ready for bed I went into the girls’ room to kiss them goodnight as I always do. As soon as I walked in, Har popped up from her bed and looked at me. She’d been sleeping but heard me come in so checked to see what I was doing. I asked her if she wanted to come in my bed and sleep with me for the night and she quickly obliged.

As we got in the bed together, she leans over to me and tells me she loves me and gives me the biggest kiss. As she gets older, those moments are becoming few and far between, so I really take it in when she does do that without me asking for it.

She squirmed and kicked me all night, but it felt good to have her sleeping next to me. I treasure moments like that.

Now tell me something good. Something that’s made you happy. It can be big, it can be small, just something that has put a smile on your face. You can participate by sharing a photo on Wednesday with the hashtag #WhyImHappyWednesday and tagging me @amommyinthecity or feel free to write it in the comments below. I do read them all and am happy to reply back on your good news! You can also join in the conversation on my Facebook page!