I woke up on Tuesday morning with anticipation of taking the kids into the city. The girls didn’t have school because of elections and the weather was going to be beautiful. There couldn’t have been a better way to spend the day than running in the parks of New York City. After getting all three kids dressed and ready to go, I ran into my room to get myself ready. I passed Macks in the hallway to find him hovering over and throwing up. I picked him up and took him to the bathroom where he proceeded to throw up two more times. Our day trip into the city was immediately cancelled.

This is motherhood.

Macks seemed to get better during the day so I made the most of it and ran some much-needed errands. To reward the kids for bearing with our sudden change in plans and accompanying me on knocking out my list of to-dos, I took them to the local playground. After 20 minutes of watching them burn off some energy, Macks falls on the slide and busts his lip open. Blood is everywhere and we are forced to go home.

This is motherhood.

That night as I was finishing up on some deadlines I was startled to hear Macks coughing uncontrollably in his room. It went quiet for a minute, but I decided to check on him anyway. I open the door to find him gasping for air. He had, was I assumed, was croup. I immediately turn the shower on in the bathroom and hold him close while he continues to gasp for air. The steam in the shower isn’t working so I run to our bedroom to wake up MacKay. I tell him I’m taking him to the emergency room because he can’t breathe. MacKay tells me to just take him outside to see if that works. I trust my instincts and take him to the emergency room just incase.

This is motherhood.

We get to the emergency room as it’s nearing midnight. It’s packed but we are seen immediately. They run some tests, confirm it’s croup, and see his oxygen levels are low. He’s immediately hooked up to oxygen and heart monitors as they give him a nebulizer of epinephrine and a mouthful of a steroid. We’re told that we have to spend the to monitor his heart rate and oxygen levels. I spend the next 7 hours in a bed with a little boy who is desperately trying to pull the cords off of his chest and won’t sleep a wink. I’m his personal remote as he wants to watch shows on Netflix on my phone, but only insists on watching the first two-minutes of each show.

This is motherhood.

Upon our return in the morning, both Macks and I only get a few hours of sleep before it’s time to get the girls up and ready for school. I’m still wearing the same clothes from Tuesday, haven’t showered since Monday and didn’t even have enough energy to brush my teeth or hair before the carpool to school.

This is motherhood.

I try to take a nap between drop off and picking Avery up from preschool, but Macks has other plans. He lays on me in bed fussing about anything and everything because he’s delirious and still not feeling well. The nap never happens and before I know it, it’s time to pick up Avery. The rest of the afternoon was much of a blur, but it never included a nap and was filled with many tantrums and tears.

This is motherhood.

That night’s dinner consisted of microwave macaroni and cheese and a frozen pizza, not the elaborate meal I had originally planned and shopped for that weekend. I drank two glasses of wine, which I usually only reserve for the weekend, and was in bed by 8pm. I ignored all deadlines and emails and tried to catch up on some much-needed zzzzs. At 11pm I woke up to Macks crying from his room. I picked him up and put him next to me in bed. The rest of the night I laid next to him as he struggled to breathe and cried in his sleep.

This is motherhood.

Today started off with a doctor’s appointment for Macks. The doctor told us we were in the thick of it right now and prescribed us another steroid. He should be feeling better by Saturday. I took Macks home and he’s wanted to be held all day long. There’s laundry in my dryer that I’ve started over four times so that they won’t get wrinkled. Macks finally went down for a nap this afternoon, only for me to have to wake him up 30 minutes later so we could pick Harlan up for school. The kids are eating the same microwave mac and cheese and pizza they had last night and I would be lying if I told you that the television hasn’t been on for hours because I have no energy (or hands) to do anything else. My house is a mess and my deadlines still haven’t been met.

This is motherhood.

I sit here with a little boy on my chest and my arms around him typing on my computer. Every once in a while he takes his head off of my chest to look at my face and give me a kiss on the lips. All of the deadlines, showers, mess, laundry, and guilt can wait. Having this little one in my arms and comforting him is exactly where I need to be.

This is motherhood.

Edited to add: Two minutes after publishing this post, Macks had a blowout in his diaper that ended up all over me and him. On the brightside, it forced me to take my first shower since Monday. If that’s not motherhood, I don’t know what is. 😉